Hey everyone Firstborn here along with Venice, Paris and OnlyBoy (SWMBO is supposed to be with us too but she just got up and we don’t know where to, why, or if she knows we’re starting…)
We want to give you a summary of the day (even though it’s only 11am). I’m writing because I’m the fastest typist of the kids and SWMBO is too tired (she told us this before she left…)
We woke up at 8:30am to a smiling mother happy to be back. She had a few very important appointments this week plus Canadian taxes get sent by mail plus we’ve been needing knick-knacks so put it all together and we figured it’d be worth it for her to go back home to Canada for 6 days. (That really sounds like we just wanted to get rid of her hahah! It also sounds like we’re really rich! Both are not true. Well…. Mmm nono both aren’t true).
We all sat together and got the items we asked for while listening to her crazy stories.
The funny thing though is that we woke up to a smiling mother considering all the events that took place in the past 12 hours. I’m only gonna tell you two of them because you don’t have four hours to spend on this blog. (I’d just like to point out everyone left and started a new conversation in the other room so now I’m alone #Thanks #EldestProbs).
At the Montreal airport when SWMBO went to check her luggage she was dismayed to find out her carry-on weighed almost 18kg whereas the limit is 7kg (hahahahah that’s what you get for bringing your daughter’s laptop along with your own – but thanks). She was told she’d have to check her hand-luggage at the cost of $75.
“Of course this is unacceptable” -SWMBO recounting her thoughts.
Different scenarios play out:
1. Take the smaller laptop out (15″), tuck it in her waistband, zip up her jacket. #OITNB *
–Doesn’t work, still over 8kg
2. Throw out half your stuff. (Your clothes, your books, and two boxes of chocolates)
–Doesn’t work because this is a really stupid idea
3. Because the cooler is underweight, try stuffing more stuff into it. Or swap items with carry-on items.
–Doesn’t work because the cooler is too full
5. Decide to pay the $75 in which case you have to pack everything back up again ’cause there’s no need to throw out your stuff anymore.
*We call this the “Orange Is The New Black” which fits perfectly because she considered herself a “mule” for her trip to and fro. As well, she was travelling to Paris, just like in the story.
Go back to the counter, (“I’d like to point out that by the time I was ready everyone had checked in so I went under the ropes that are made to help people cue and the guy got totally mad at me and told me I was supposed to walk through all the lines by myself” -SWMBO recounting her experience)
Where are we? Right, the counter! New guy checks the cooler as luggage, points to the backpack (8kg) and asks if that’s the hand luggage. “Yes?” she tentatively replies. “Put it on the scale”. He tagged it and gave it back. No matter that it was way over. And the laptop bag (10kg)? Never weighed. He gives her a tag and watches her stagger away trying to make it seem like her 18kg load was lighter than 7kg. Just saved $75!!
Like Piper, she gets away with it. We hope she doesn’t go to prison in ten years though…
SWMBO arrived at the Paris airport at 5:30am and took the train to central Paris (the airport is an hour away). She met Fahbio at the train station and they decided to take a taxi the 2km to our apartment because of the awkward luggage. (An 8kg backpack, a 10kg laptop bag and a 18kg cooler full of “stuff” [knick-knacks].) They walked up to the first taxi they saw at the station, got in with all their luggage and gave him our address. It cost 2.80€ to get in. He didn’t know where the address was (even though we’re residing on a famous street) so everyone’s talking and he finally pulls up a GPS trying to figure it out. At this point the meter is at 4€ and they hadn’t driven anywhere! SWMBO pointed this out and the driver snapped back if she wanted to pay 1.70€ she should’ve taken the metro. When she told us this OnlyBoy helpfully stated that he was pulling a “Red Herring” which we all forgot the word for. Then we had a homeschool discussion about where the expression comes from. (Training hunting dogs to stay focused on the prey).
Anyways, by the time they started driving, the meter was at 5€ ($9CDN! Do you know how much baguette that is?!?! A BIT MORE THAN FOUR LOAVES!) I’m really into French baguette by the way.
Long story short the guy didn’t know where he was going but when he finally got to Caulaincourt (a main street that runs perpendicular to ours with no connection) he realized he couldn’t turn left and drive down to our apartment, there’s only a staircase.
He said he would drive right instead and drive further up the hill and drop them off since they had asked to be dropped of at the “Butte de Montmartre”. What?! SWMBO explained that our house was down the hill while they were driving earlier and that he wouldn’t be able to reach it from Caulaincourt but because the almighty GPS showed the road being perpendicular, he disagreed.
When they got to the staircase Fahbio wanted to get out and lug everything down the stairs but SWMBO refused because the whole point of taking a taxi was to easily get to the destination – not have to go down all these stairs! (BTW – The metro exit is right there at the top of the stairs which is pretty ironic).
She: Our apartment is down there but you need to go in a big loop to get there and we’re not going to pay for that because that’s your mistake
Driver: I’ll just take you for free!
She: Okay sounds great!
Driver: Get out! (He was being sarcastic before)
Fahb to She: Let’s just get out
So with the meter running, he drove them in a loop and got to the bottom of our street except you can’t drive up from the bottom because it’s a one-way-street coming down. All the streets in this neighbourhood are cut off by staircases so if you are driving, you have to do lots of little loops to get where you are going. He should have gone one street past ours, turned left up one block, another left one block and then another left to go the few metres down to our place.
They get out of the taxi preparing to walk up the 40 metres up the steep hill since he can’t go up the one-way. The meter said 12.70€. Fahbio started to hand him 10€. But SWMBO grabbed one of the 5€ bills from Fahbio and said “No Way!” and gave the driver the other 5€. Driver gets mad. Driver rips money. Driver throws it into the street. Driver kicks luggage. Driver pushes Fahbio. Driver leans in to push SWMBO. Fahbio pushes Driver. Driver screams to man walking his dog down the street “These people are crazy! They told me to drive them up the hill! They never gave me an address! They think I can drive them around all day! They told me to drive to Butte De Montmartre! They never gave me the number of the house!”. SWMBO screams back, “No! This guy is crazy! I told him we’d be on the wrong side of the street! We gave him the address! We never told him to drive to Butte De Montmartre! WE GAVE HIM THE ADDRESS RIGHT AT THE BEGINNING! He doesn’t know where he’s going! What kinda taxi driver doesn’t know any streets in the city?!”. Guy doesn’t know what to do. Everyone’s screaming and won’t let him walk away. Fahbio says to the driver to ef off. Fahbio says it again.
Taxi driver drives away. SWMBO picks up the discarded remains of the 5 euro bill, takes her luggage, and walks with her husband up the street. Dog-walker stands perplexed.
“The name of this blog should be sheesh!”
“No that’s too subtle”
When we got up this morning we all sat on our parents bed and lived a Christmas morning with new socks, yummy food and sweets, and things we’d asked for. SWMBO says this is a non-sequitor.
I volunteered to write the blog which lemme just say has been *very* challenging because I wasn’t there for any of this madness. And SWMBO keeps screaming at me I got the information wrong. Maybe someone needs a nap?
“NO THE METRO WASN’T 1.50 IT’S 1.70!”
“NO YOU THERE’S ANOTHER SENTENCE BEFORE THAT! NO! NO!”
“But I say it in the next sentence-”
“Oh… NO WAIT THERE’S ANOTHER ONE! IT’S ABOUT THE STAIRS!”
“NO WRITE IT WAS TWO FIVE EURO BILLS!”
I’m exhausted and I haven’t even had lunch yet (everyone else is eating but I’m still working on this #EatingLast #EldestProbs)
There was actually other stuff I wanted to talk about but I guess it’s for another time.
To all the other eldest children – stay strong. I feel ya with your siblings’ craziness and all the stuff you’re left to finish on your own, and your parents’ use of you because you’re known as the trustworthy and responsible one.